Thursday, September 15, 2011

Good deed outweigh bad behavior?

I started to write a post on face book this morning about Christmas displays, when I saw an interview on The Early Show. All of a sudden Christmas displays being in stores didn't seem like something to talk about today.

I choose to speak up. To make and effort. To maybe effect one person.

PLEASE: Take the time to talk with your children about bullying. Are they being bullied? Are they doing the bulling? Do you approve of, or have you encouraged them to bully? Do you yourself know what bullying is? Think of what example you are setting for not just your kids, but those that are being or can be influenced by you.

According to the interview on The Early Show "Estimated since 1983 there has been more than 150 young people that have killed themselves due to being bullied". You know that doesn't include those that have tried. It doesn't include those that suffer from depression, anxiety, or that withdraw, that drop out of school, that do not reach the potential they could of reached.

KIDS: Please try to talk with your parents, teacher, counselor if you feel you are being bullied. If one doesn't listen talk to another. I know you hear this all the time, but I don't think we can say it enough. Please don't wait till this strikes too close to home to act.

VICTIMS: Sometimes you may feel that nothing can be done about what you feel someone is doing to hurt you. It falls on the victim to provide proof, & it can be very difficult if not impossible to prove what words are said, written or posted on social networks to bully you, or your friends. TRY. TRY. & then...TRY again. Ask for help. Your life means something. You are meant to be something, and that something is not 6 feet under. You are someones everything. If you feel there is no way out, talk to someone. I wish I had the rite words to fill your heart with joy instead of the pain. What I can say, is that YOU are the future, & your life means something to me, even if I don't know you. Life is precious, & changes....daily. Reach out, there are others that know what you are going through. There is probably a group or a counselor that would love to help you. Please know that!

BULLIES: PARENTS OF BULLIES: Are you a bully? Do you feel the need to put other people in a position of fear or to belittle them? Do you feel that even though you make fun of someone or push them around, maybe just call them names that you aren't a bully? Do you think that you only pick on one kid that it means you aren't a bully? Where did you learn your behavior? Can you stop? A lot of times kids/teens/adults don't think they are a bully or don't feel that they are bullying. If your intentional actions hurt someone & you continue that behavior you are bullying. Have you had to explain your actions or the actions of your children that effected another in a negative way? Sometimes people just don't like each other, that's OK. Not everyone have to be friends. However, we don't have to make fun of those we don't like. Please try to think about how you treat others, and how that effects them and can effect other people. Learn to take responsibly for your actions, easier said then done. I want to say here too that I wish there were words to make you understand what one persons actions can do to so many, to make you understand the pain others feel when being bullied (made fun of, called names, pushed around, etc.). What I can do is ask you, 'what are you doing to make a difference in someones life? Then I can pray & hope that if your answer is not something positive, you will make a change.

There have been many times that I have bullied throughout my life. At times I was the instigator of it. That is same as the bully, by not doing anything, by standing around watching, feeding into the actions. I really didn't think about my actions or how they impacted others. I was told recently that a girl was trying to get popular by trying to fight other girls. Is that really what makes you popular? When I was in high school I don't remember the most popular kids being the mean ones. 222 in my graduating class. I know that is small compared to some schools here, it is also much larger than others. Of course there were fights. One sent a friend of mine to the hospital. He was coming back from lunch when 4 kids that didn't even know him jumped him. That sure didn't make those 4 kids popular, it got them jail and a record, but everyone knew my friend after that. I got in a couple fights in high school too, only one being bad enough to get me a ride to the office. I think my reputation was that of someone fair and I usually got my point across without much violence & don't remember being fearful about confronting those that I had heard being ill about me. It's funny because I can be a very mean person. Most I know would tell you how sweet I am & how I put others ahead of me, that I am a passionate person, a leader and again someone who sees both sides of an argument (even of those I don't like, lol). I have many times, days, that I have to try very hard to be that nice, sweet, kind person that everyone knows. I don't think many truly know me, lol. The point is that there is another way. A nicer way. Even if you have to try very, very hard to work at it.  

So, I look back & wonder, do all my good deeds out weigh the pain I intentionaly caused others?
NO.
Its that simple.
I do fell that I can however try to make amends to those hurt.

Friday, August 19, 2011

A princess without a Ball

As my mother turns 60 tomorrow, I look back on my life and reflect. I was born only 3 days before my mothers birthday. I was a little over 2 weeks late in the back woods of  WV, the doctor gave my mother the option to induce on her birthday or go ahead and start then. My mom said she was so ready for me to be out of her, she chose immediately. The doctor thought I was gonna enter the world backwards. No, I just had fat cheeks (the ones on my face). Great self esteem booster!

As a young child I remember being called my daddy's little princess. I was a little sister, first granddaughter and the name sake of my fathers mother. I was never as smart as my brother, but, I was much cuter and must have been more manipulative, for I got everything I wanted.  I knew I was special. My nanny would show me our Easter baskets before it was Easter. As I grew I started to take after the artistic side of my grandmother and had great patience. I was out shined by my brothers ability in academics, debate, band, and athletics. BUT, I was still cuter!! I was a princess! My mother and my nanny even went out of there way, back alley style, to make sure I had cabbage patch kids in the early 80's.

After that the 'princess' in me kinda went away for a while. We moved from Wake Forest (seminary) NC to Raleigh, NC. I was older and attached to my brothers hip with his friends, probably not by his choice. This continued as we moved back to SC. I was playing more with my brothers toys then my own. His friends all knew me, and I think one even liked me. They knew we were usually a package deal. We started blowing up my barbies using firecrackers with our cousin Allen. I really didn't think of myself as a princess then, I am sure my brother did though. I started to make more of my own friends, a little bit of the girlyness started to return. I even got to go to the Citadel dances!

As time went on my parents divorced and life changed. My father once said to me after that 'you know you have me wrapped around your pinky'. I honestly didn't know that, and surely didn't believe it. I met a great girl through PWP that my dad went to after my mom left. Amy and I decided we were to be sisters! We got our way. When we decided we didn't want our parents married anymore, well, it was a bit harder, but...we got our way. I was 12 when I went to go live with my mom.

My mom and I never had it easy. We shared a room together in a house of a friend of my moms, it was not a place we stayed long. Bad situation & memories. I remember my mom saying we could stay in MD or move out to NV where my Grandma lived. Hell, I was 12...cross country it was. We left with what we had, again, not much.

We moved in with my grandma till my mom could find a job and get us an apartment. We lived in this tiny little whole in the wall town. My mom started doing better and we were able to move to the city. We had the coolest apartment ever. I made the bestest friend/sister, Audrey, and we were the bomb! I think I may have started to feel a bit like a princess again around this time. We had the best 8th grade year and summer!! Then high school. Audrey went to a different school. My friend Jennifer started to let me wear her pretty dresses to our school dances. (Jennifer turned out to be a life saver a few years or so later!) Then, things changed. Again, we were left without even a car to get to the grocery store. We moved into a house that had been converted in to a few apartments. The living room was my bedroom and we shared the bathroom in my moms room. I think I was happy though. Soon, my mom again started to get back on her feet.

We still didn't have a lot. We moved farther out from my friends and I started to make other friends. Good friends, but very different. I distanced myself from my old friends. I started to change. I screwed off the rest of my freshman year and even failed JROTC. Then summer came and went with me spending most of my time with my new, older, friends. I took a hit to the gut as school was about to start. My mom and then step father moved us to AZ.

It was the best and worst move in my life. That is probably were I started to make a turn in my life. My grades went up and my social status too. I learned the lay of the land and was able to return to NV with great knowledge, some of which we won't talk about. My mom was against it, but my step father and I wanted to return to Reno. This was the end of the 1rst semester my sophomore year. My friend Jennifer and her family allowed me to move in with them so I could return to start the semester in my same high school while my parents stayed in AZ to finalize things and find us a place back in Reno. Again, Jennifer really did know how to make you feel like a princess. She had the prettiest clothes and a beautiful heart!

Returning to Reno and to the same high school, it was hard to not slip back into the same zone I was in. I was lucky enough, through some very strange happenings, to make a friend that took me in a very different direction. My parents finally got us a house and I left Jennifers. Turned out we moved closer to my new best friend.

Why am I telling you this? Because this is part 1 of  'A princess without a Ball'. You need a little back ground, not sure if it will help or not when I get to the point, but I just feel you need to know this part.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Child of the Storm

Did you that, according to :
http://www.civilwar150.wv.gov/Pages/default.aspxWest Virginia is the only state formed as a result of the Civil War -- a “Child of the Storm” that was a reflection of the struggle that the Republic was going through. © 2011 State of West Virginia

Child of the storm. Re-read that. How does it relate to you?
Life is full of struggles and wars. Am I not a reflection of struggles that I have overcome? The result of wars that have been won and loss in my life?
I think back to what I know, or remember about my grandparents. I remember the way my great grandmother, who raised my mom, didn't really seem to like me very much. She didn't seem to like many people. She had a high social life and expected my brother and me to be in line with her expectations. I had a very, very bad speech impediment. I couldn't even say my name well. I remember being at her church trying to tell someone my name and they didn't understand me, I was very frustrated. I feel my grandma was very unhappy about it. I remember her being angry, not yelling at me, but it was my fault, somehow she made sure I knew that, there were never any excuses. 

Thirteen years I went to speech therapy. When I left South Carolina moveing to Maryland I learned to say 'you guys' instead of 'ya'll'.  I even tried to leave behind the 'southern talk'. I was that aware of the impact speech could have on me in life. I was never 'uncool' in school or teased or anything like that. I think more people notice it now then they did then, but I noticed it. My best friend from high school would, even up till just a few years ago, say to me, "say 'The lion roared as he went to war'".  She was not being cruel, just teasing and having fun, I always obliged. I move to Nevada calling an iron an iran. That is how I said it. Again, the same friend, Brandi, would make fun. I laughed with her. If you can't laugh at things like that, is your other choice but to cry?  My dad's mother always wanted me to be able to say purple. I can today, with effort. The letter r became the last sound to conquer. It is a war I have not yet completely won. I can say most words if I think about it and concentrate. For and fur, war and were, things like that are hard. By the way, get a couple beers in me and you will know I am from the south, lol.  The point here is to show a life long struggle that is so small, it can go completely unnoticed to most, but mean the world to the one who struggles with it.

I wish we could all say once upon a time and end with happily ever after. What would life be like without the story in between? The first time you smell honeysuckle? Your first kiss? First time someone laughs at your joke? When you realize that there is nothing better than to put a Reese's mini in your mouth and let it melt, sucking out the peanut butter, pressing the left over chocolate against the roof of your mouth before you let it melt down the back of your throat swallowing the yummy goodness! Okay, so maybe that's just me, lol.

Ending this...
I call South Carolina home, however, I have lived many other places. I was born in West Virginia. Yes, you read that correctly. Therefore, although I am not the only 'state formed' as a result of a war, I am the one giving you the story.
I am a result of the wars I have faught. I am a reflection of the struggles throughout my life. I am a 'Child of the Storm'.

http://www.hersheys.com/reeses.aspx

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

To begin with..

Why a blog? #1 my psychiatrist said when I get upset, stop and write for 20 minutes. That is to stop my mouth from getting me in trouble, lol! #2 I used to love to write, it runs in the family. I plan on sharing some of my poetry here! Granted some of it is from elementary school, some from high school, I'll let you know! P.S. I have been out of high school for, 17 years(?).

My passion is photography, that is how I turned my story telling into knowing what is factual. I will do some writing here that some may not like. There may be some of my current friends, old friends, family, enemies, acquaintances, or those I don't even remember that may gawk or read with shock or astonishment.

I always say I have a terrible memory. Do I? When I look at old photos, I remember that event, but only that of those photographs I see. re:went to Disney in 1987ish, I remember maybe 2 events that are not of photos I have. I ask 'Do I?' because I can start at the earliest memory and move forward sometimes with total detail. Is what I remember real or not? Have I misinterpret the memories? Have I altered them in such a way that the only truth to me is the story I tell today, or don't tell people in some cases. If I altered the story, why?

There are stories I know are factual, inside and out. You may ask how? I really don't have any good answer for that. I think that sentence should read: There are stories I feel are absolutely factual.

So, begins: The journey of my life, as I know it!