When I was younger I would bring friends home and my mother would say I wanted to try to help them. The friends I brought home had some issue or another with their family (don't we all) or something bad had happened to them. Sometimes my mom would say I brought home strays. That is not to say my friends were bad, or mangy, or anything other than someone who needed a friend. It turns out though that it was I too who needed that friend.
I'm not sure where in life I learned to give so much. I had a very patient hand my Nanny would say, and was very creative. I would write wonderful letters to inspire and quot scripture. When I read these notes now I don't know that it was me, I really don't know that it was me. It is like looking through someone else's eyes at my past. Maybe Giving stemmed somewhat from that, and me wanting to share what I had accomplished. Maybe it was for some attention or recognition.
Some how I think in our core we all want to Give, to help. It makes you feel good. Who wouldn't want to feel good by doing something for someone, to help someone? At least I feel we all start out that way, I want to believe that. So, where does it go? When or where do some start to take advantage of or stop recognizing what others do for them?
As I grew older I started to call home (SC) only when I needed things. As a lot of teenagers do, my life was busy and I didn't really think always about catching up with family or letting them know how I was doing. I was being selfish. I still was a Giver though, still try to help others out, weather they asked for it or not. Once it started a fight. A funny fight:
My one friend was 'dating' this guy and a mutual friend was being inappropriate with said guy. We were all good friends. When I found out what was happening my boyfriend at the time said to keep my nose out of it. In this situation you must think long and hard about your decision. My decision was to help. But- how? I went to the friend that was in the wrong- to her only. She knew it was coming. I went into school, told her to stand up, then to take off her glasses. Like I said, she knew it was coming. She did as asked and I took the one hit, only one. I then told her to sit down and gave her her glasses back. I said to her that she should know how worse this would be if it was not me, that this was a taste, and the friendships she would tear apart it her behavior continued. All went as it should. What was funny is another one of our good friends just sat there and watched, he had no clue what was happening, hahaha!
-The point to this story is for you to see that I helped the person that was in the wrong.
Eventually my father laid down the law. He would give no more. It struck me so hard it has been an echo in my head ever since. I told him so just the other day when he said to let him know if I ever need anything. You see, I haven't asked my father for a single thing for 15+ years (which was when I got pregnant), up until this past year when I asked him to help get my son to Italy on a trip.
I could go on about how I helped so and so and how I gave to whashername. I could tell you about how I dropped everything for this person or how I always think about that person. How when I see something that would help that person I may buy it even when I can't afford it, but knowing it will help them. I could tell you how I have suffered myself to help others to live a better life. But what would be the point - it would just be the same story over and over and it would just take up a lot of time.
There is a time, or several times, in a persons life that they think and reflect on what they have done for others and what they have done for themselves. The funny thing is that it is usually after one person in your life shows such gratitude and gratefulness to you that you see what others have taken advantage of or how they have just not been the friend you thought they were, or the family member you know they think they are.
I try to see both sides of the story when a friend calls for help/advice. I try to be honest, and sometimes that means telling them they are in the wrong. I have friends that appreciate that. In trying to see both sides of a story, I need to see both sides of mine. I come up with reasons and excuses for others behavior or lack there of. It doesn't help the pain of knowing you may be a friend of convenience. It doesn't help the pain of being forgotten, or left behind, or left out of something special or even just a simple cup of coffee. I sometimes blame myself and I may or may not actually be responsible for the lack of 'love' (it's the only word I can think of) between myself and others.
So - recently I have done quit a bit for different friends/family/neighbors/acquaintances. The one I did the least for is the one I felt such gratitude from. It made me want to do more for them. So I did. The blessings I placed on this family were placed right back on me by feeling and knowing that what I could do for them meant so much. It filled my heart! Is it enough to overcome the feelings of hurt from the ones that do not show this same gratefulness? I can't answer that, for I continue to do for others.
It can eventually tear you down to Give and Give when you have the struggle in your heart about how others react to your kindness. I understand that a simple thank you is wonderful - but if there is no feeling in that, no true gratefulness behind those words, that is a let down. Maybe this is where I am wrong, for I do expect more from my friends/family.
Why do I continued to Give, to have the heart to answer their call when they need help, to provide what I see would be a blessing. Why do I continue to do for others what some refuse to do for me & mine, weather consciously or unknowingly? - because maybe they might be incapable of doing for me: a friend, a family member, a stranger in the store.
It just takes me back again to my dad telling me: "you only call when you want something" and how he said "enough".
However, Givers, continue to do the good deeds, to be the good person, to give with our hearts ad anything else we do and let God work the rest out.
But still, sometimes, all I wanna say is "Karma's a B@!#^" and not feel bad about it.
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