10 years ago I went out to the club with my friend Erika. I
had decided that I wanted to cut back on my cigarette smoking, so I took only 2
cigarettes in with me. Well, that didn’t work out so well. I bummed 2 more
cigarettes off some guys that night.
I am a nurse and knew what was happening to my lungs and my
overall health. I had 2 patients shortly before then that were leaning me in
the direction of having to quit. Cutting back was what I knew I could probably
do. I was a pack a day smoker since my teen years. Picked up my first cigarette
in 5th grade.
One of those patients was on oxygen and yet still decided
that smoking was a good idea. I watched as her <50 year old body that resembled
that of someone at least 20 years older continue to deteriorate, her voice
raspy and harsh, skin thin and wrinkled. I knew there were 3 reasons a person
smoked. 1.Addiction 2.Habit and 3.Enjoyment. Usually it is a combination of
those. I smoked out of habit first, but I enjoyed it too. People that smoke
every day all day are usually addicted too, as opposed to “Social Smokers”.
Days before the night I went out with Erika I saw an old
women, bee hive hairdo, driving a boat of a Cadillac. She had a Virginia Slim
in her right hand hanging out her window, I swear there was a cloud of smoke
coming out from that window. She was
coughing so loud, hacking up a lung, seriously, I was waiting to see her
blackened lung come out her mouth. THAT was the moment I know I had to do
something about my smoking habit.
When I came out of the club that night I went straight home
and went to bed. I didn’t smoke at all that next day (kind of). I knew this
would be it. I knew the decision had been made and I was never going to smoke
again. I felt that was my final fair well to cigarettes. Except, I didn’t feel
like I really got to Enjoy my last cigarette. SO – I went outside that night and
joyfully smoked my last cigarette.
OCTOBER 4th 2004.
It took a while for people around me to recognize I wasn’t
smoking. But for me, all of a sudden the smells around me were, well, I could
smell. I could smell for miles. It was a very strange sensation. And for 10
years now I wonder if I still want to smell some of these things.
I will tell you that 99% of the time I smell cigarette smoke
I have to walk away, I have to get away from it, I think it is the worse smell
ever. But the other 1% is what really matters in life. It’s that 1% that still
calls to me. I haven’t bought a pack of cigarettes in 10 years and I don’t ever
plan to again. I will hold that 1% as my strength, not my weakness.
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